As we have been waiting in our homes, I’ve had to sit with myself and actually SEE myself. No busy schedules between work and life, no happy hours or late-night drunken parties to escape to, no errands or unnecessary shopping to distract me from seeing myself for where I am at with my soul. Sitting with myself, letting myself be present with my feelings, and looking at myself square in the eye has guided me to reunite myself in its fullest. How am I physically? Emotionally? Intellectually? Spiritually? Am I happy with where my life is at in this moment? I couldn’t run from answering these hard questions and being honest with myself. And in all of this, I have found ways to be kind, patience and gentle with myself. I have found time to slow myself down and be present in the moment. I have found comfort in the silence and leisurely pace, which past self would have been overwhelmed with. I have refound my purpose in my career and motivation to keep at it. I am getting to know the me that I’ve brushed aside and kept at a distance.
On the news and in conversations with family, friends, colleagues, the question that has been weaving into each comment is “when can we go back to our normal lives?” I listen and the conversation carries on, but as I sit with myself and think of what I thought “normal” was before getting to know myself, I don’t want to back to that. I don’t want to go back to going through the motions. I don’t want to go back to taking moments with family and friends for granted. I don’t want to go back to the mindset of settling for less in my career and going back to a work environment that was toxic to me. I don’t want to go back to pushing myself aside and hiding from the me that I feel in love with during this social distancing.
So if I have the courage to answer that question: No. I refuse to go back to my normal life. Rather, I look forward to taking what I have learned and what I have gained in this time into the world. I look forward to soaking up valuable time with the people I hold so dear to my heart. I look forward to emerging from my home to see the love and kindness come triumphant over the mess we had before our solitude. There have been many loses and pains during this time, but I believe the best way to honor those struggles and honor those we lost is to rise up and take this time to become better versions of ourselves.